integrity: 1)firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : incorruptibility 2): an unimpaired condition : soundness 3): the quality or state of being complete or undivided :completeness (merriam-webster.com)
Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.” Job 2:9
Sometimes things don’t go my way in life. I look over to see others moving on to what at least seems like bigger and better things, while I seem to remain stagnant. Feeling sorry for myself, I get angry with God that “I can’t seem to win” at anything in life.
This type of thinking sends me into a vicious cycle of defeat, a cycle in which I indeed lose integrity. Rendered useless as a Christian, I’m unavailable to serve others as gifted. At the thought of my ineptitude I plunge further into defeat, losing even self-integrity, in effect degraded (to my own mind) by unseen forces. My focus is set on misery.
Praise God that He doesn’t leave me this way, that He teaches me through experience. That He gives retests, other opportunities to show that I am learning, growing, and paying attention. That sanctification is not an end but a process.
Maybe the next time a certain scenario doesn’t go my way, I will set my focus on God as the One who works and wills for the good of those who love Him, those who’re called according to His purposes – and won’ t be so quick to turn away from Him in resentment. I pray that I will, like Job, refuse such a response! Maybe I’ll tear my clothes, so to speak, in mourning over what I believe is lost – but not close myself off from God. Yes, I will face God with an openness that He can handle, expressing the feelings of loss while admitting my inadequacy to understand what has happened. I’ll hold firm to my faith that God has His reasons.
I will act with integrity.