Day: August 9, 2011

Do I really know You Or  just some fantasy of mine, Some creation mixed and muddled In the bowels of my mind?   Do I really know You What You’re all about? Or am I still not dealing With my little doubts?   Do I really know You O Creator King? Do I know the fullness of joy, The salvation that You bring?

Do I really know You Or just think that I do? Am I going about with An accurate view?   Do I really know You How You work and move? Or am I still waiting as if You’ve more to prove?   Do I really know You The way You want me to? Am I getting nearer and nearer To the Truth?   Do I really know You, The Author of My Soul? Write Your story on my heart Display it as a scroll.

I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity.  1 Chronicles 29:17

Lord, look into my heart

See what is there

Beyond the pretense,

The exterior’s glare.

Lord, look into my heart

Try me today;

It takes testing

To mold this clay.

Lord, look into my heart

As I face up to this:

Your continual scrutiny

Will keep me fit.

Lord, look into my heart

Check what is within;

Is it a clean slate

Or unconfessed sin?

Lord, look into my heart

Is it integrity You see?

Or am I still out

To simply please me?

Lord, look into my heart

I’ll wait patiently while You do

Make me Your authentic

Product of Truth.

integrity: 1)firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : incorruptibility 2): an unimpaired condition : soundness  3): the quality or state of being complete or undivided :completeness (merriam-webster.com)

 Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.” Job 2:9

Sometimes things don’t go my way in life. I look over to see others moving on to what at least seems like bigger and better things, while I seem to remain stagnant. Feeling sorry for myself, I get angry with God that “I can’t seem to win” at anything in life.

This type of thinking sends me into a vicious cycle of defeat, a cycle in which I indeed lose integrity.  Rendered useless as a Christian, I’m unavailable to serve others as gifted. At the thought of my ineptitude I plunge further into defeat, losing even self-integrity, in effect degraded (to my own mind) by unseen forces. My focus is set on misery.

Praise God that He doesn’t leave me this way, that He teaches me through experience. That He gives retests, other opportunities to show that I am learning, growing, and paying attention. That sanctification is not an end but a process.

Maybe the next time a certain scenario doesn’t go my way, I will set my focus on God as the One who works and wills for the good of those who love Him, those who’re called according to His purposes – and won’ t be so quick to turn away from Him in resentment. I pray that I will, like Job, refuse such a response! Maybe I’ll tear my clothes, so to speak, in mourning over what I believe is lost – but not close myself off from God. Yes, I will face God with an openness that He can handle, expressing the feelings of loss while admitting my inadequacy to understand what has happened. I’ll hold firm to my faith that God has His reasons.

I will act with integrity.