Where’ve I been?

Well that’s a loaded question to say the least… 🙂 really referring to the whole Facebook thing. I felt so left out when I joined yesterday and today found so many from my church on there!

Spiritually speaking, I’m rather dry. I try to return to my old self, the one who sang and made music in her heart to the Lord, the one who tried to live righteously, to live apart from the world around her… I don’t know what happened. Well, frankly I do. I got disappointed. I thought that something was going to happen that didn’t – and I’m such the strong-willed child! I want it my way. However, right now looks like it’s got to be the way it is. And I don’t have to accept less – but I do have to live in the present, face up to where I am and go on with God. 

Maybe my idea of success is not the same as God’s. Maybe the victory comes when I can handle the here in now as a mature Christian, no longer pouting or shrinking because I messed up, but being humble enough to go for grace and not an ounce more. His grace has to be enough for me.

That being said, any Fortifiers catch the symbolism Sunday morning after church, when we were dismissed out into the covering of white?

This morning I awoke to thoughts, coming out – seemingly unprovoked feelings coming up and demanding exit, no longer locked inside under bitterness and resentment. No longer playing aloof or indifferent, but wanting to find resolution that comes only out in the open…

I’m sure there’s more. There’s poetry to come on this subject of unforgiveness. For there was snow, coming down, white as ever, as I rode home from church with my quite happy family. There was grace, saying okay it is cold – life, relationships are often tough – but we are covered in white in the eyes of God, if we know Christ. We are pure, unadulterated spirits lighting up the landscape but only when we let go of yesterday’s failures and pains, are we free to fall on the world around us, softly and gently, like a snowflake – unique in creation with our own special place to land.

towards forgiving someone close, and yes, especially myself. DD

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